Why do I do things I am no good at?

If I were to draw up a list of things I am not good at, it would fill reams of paper, scrolls of papyrus, jistas and pothis. I may run out of paper and even cloud estate! And yet, most weekends find me sketching away as if my life depends on it. The things drawn must come with detailed explanations to make sense or they are like my lion tattoo which people mistake for a dragon and let me know quite frequently, no qualms!

Then there are days when meditation is truly unnerving- quite the opposite effect of the one desired - and times when I want to make the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle into a 1500 piece puzzle because I cannot find the one piece that is hiding somewhere and keeping me from attaining perfection. And yet, I do it all - because it helps me communicate better.

How did I reach this conclusion paved through the path of exasperation?

Well, for years now my spirit animals- a gorgeous peacock “Amaya” and a really chill highland cow “Jersey”- have guided me on a lot of things, including what can help with communication. It also serves me right, since there was a time when every conversation I had with them was only about communication: how to get better at communication, how to ensure I am getting authentic communications, how to convey the messages I am receiving in a way that the human can receive it and honour it? I mean the tough love that animals dole out, can be quite a lot to process. Some of it is not for the faint hearted! (The good thing though is that animals know their humans, know what they can take and know how to help them process things. The communicator needs to tune into that aspect.)

Amaya showed me what I was not seeing about my situation, what I was missing when sticking to the same set of questions, flagging the same fears and insecurities: communication is not about perfection. If I didn't allow myself to just be with the animal, fully present during communication, I would always chase after what I thought was a perfect outcome. If I did allow this hankering, how would I fully listen to the animal, their will, their apprehensions, their guidance for their human? How would I let go of my own judgement of what constitutes a ‘perfect’ communication? I just have to be present and receive all that comes through. So it wasn’t perfection, it was the full and complete presence that I needed, to do justice to communication, to receive it authentically and convey it fully.

Amaya showed the way to be fully present- do things that require complete attention and accept whatever is happening, there is no end result or perfect outcome awaiting completion of this task- be in a state of flow. So things I am not really good at, that require patience, where an outcome is not graded, allow me to be present. Through art, meditation and activities that do not allow me bandwidth for distraction and multitasking, I experience and practice complete presence.

Doing this for years now, I know what complete presence feels like and I am fully with each animal I communicate with. So I know that the discomfort in my abdomen or the feeling of pure love or the mischievous energy oozing from the animal is their communication with me. There is a plethora of emotions, words, visuals, sounds, sensations that I receive, fully register, acknowledge and finally, convey to the human- all because I just cannot draw a tree right. :) And that’s a trade off I am willing to accept with love and gratitude! 

Curious about communication? How to communicate and how to communicate confidently? Come, learn with me! Look up mentoring sessions, one-on-one communication courses and workshops. 

This piece comes to you with my labour, love, joy of writing and no AI. Enjoy!